Sacrifice

I’m learning about sacrifice. I’m learning about being spread thin. I’m learning that I’m not very good at sacrifice. I’m learning how God uses me, despite my flaws, weaknesses and short-comings. I’ve traveled to Haiti a lot since I started my job at Back2Back and twice since I last wrote. It's hard for me to leave my kids to go on these trips. My mama’s heart feels divided even just headed to the office! I’m feeling in my heart the sacrifice of this work. It’s an all- in job. You can’t not work as hard as you can, because you actually know the children you are advocating for. Those of you who have been on trips or work with me can attest. I know the ones that need glasses and I see the ones drink dirty water, which is the tiniest fraction of the kids that God sees, so how could I not bust my tail to get the children glasses and a new well to drink from? Still, it comes at a cost.

Every time I go to Haiti and I see Haitians taking care of children with limited to no resources, I see their sacrifice. Every time I learn of a child that was dropped off at an orphanage because the orphanage can provide food and education and the parent cant, I learn of sacrifice. These sacrifices, are heart breaking. It’s hard to take care of children. I have four, I should know! When I see the Caretakers, The Aimables, care for sixteen orphans of Harvest Care, day in and day out, and run a free school for 40 children, I wonder how tired they are at night? Are they as tired as Eric and I? When they settle down into their bed, with no A/C or fans in the Haiti heat, I wonder...how deep do they feel the sacrifice? This caretaker has a college education, he could be doing other things. I think about our director’s Brent and Anna’s sacrifice, living in Haiti, training staff, hosting teams and meal planning to cook for not just their family of 5 but at times for teams of 16 people, not including the guards daily meals! If you’ve ever been in traffic, it’s got nothing on Haiti’s traffic where the journey to the store is a whole day’s event, you know that’s sacrifice. And, I see your sacrifice, giving what you have to this ministry or to others, instead of buying yourself something new, but because God has called you to be a part of this story line, it’s a sacrifice.

All the while I struggle to believe that God’s son sacrificed for me and that I don’t have to do anything to receive from that sacrifice. That belief is rebutted within me when I see 16 orphans kneel on the ground to pray thanksgiving over their daily rice and beans. And then, bow down further to pray thanks over their home and their “family.” And then grab my hand in theirs to pull me into their prayer to thank God for our friendship, and I see how small my own faith is. Experiencing their joy, their capacity for faith, reignites my belief in God’s sacrifice and reminds me that God’s story line to lift up the orphans and widows in their distress is worth the sacrifice. God doesn’t call us to be heroes, He asks us to step into the gap of the forgotten and the marginalized. In this job, I realize often I am beyond what I can do, but somehow the right people step in at the right time and say yes where you think they’d say no and God weaves it all together and shows me the way. He, reveals the connection, sends us an eye doctor and introduces me to the well digger. All I have to be, is there. And when I feel the friction of the sacrifice, I am reminded of everyone else’s sacrifice. I am reminded of God’s sacrifice. And that sacrifice, is reflected in the bubbling over type of joy in the smile of a child that is one of the 750,000 orphans in the little island of Haiti. And she, and he, are worth the sacrifice.

I don't know what this children's home director sacrificed to have this gift made for me, but it means the world to me! And I think it means more, because I know that it came with a cost. And it came with intention and heart and love. I treasure it now on my desk.

Leave a comment below with your thoughts! QUESTION: What do you feel like you are sacrificing right now? How do you cope with the cost?

To learn more visit www.back2back.org or email me at jschroeder@back2back.org

Trauma Informed Care in Haiti - Post Training Thoughts

In January I helped to organize a training Back2Back held in Haiti on Trauma Competent Caregiving for our staff, caretakers, and other local orphan care organizations. Trauma Care Specialist, David and Jayne Schooler, traveled with us to embark on an experience that would break cultural boundaries and impact Haitians that are caring for vulnerable children. On the first day all of the participants introduced themselves and said what they were thankful for. I was struck, when Johnny, the caretaker of the Lighthouse home, said he was thankful for this training…and he said he felt like dry land waiting for the rain. Our Haitian staff tell us that this is the first time anyone has ever attempted to bring a training like this to help caretakers of orphans. The feeling of gratitude they are expressing is moving. Here we are in impoverished half of an island that is home to 750, 000 orphans, and a young man among many, caring for ten orphans in his home, is ready for his thirst to be quenched. Experiencing lessons on how to lovingly connect with a child that has been abandoned, along with people who have experienced similar trauma and hardship themselves, was eye opening. The first day of the training was the anniversary of the 2010 earthquake, we bowed our heads with our Haitian brothers and sisters in silence before we began and I thought in my heart how intentional God's timing is. Here's a picture of some of the children Johnny cares for and staff getting ready for the training.

Throughout the ten day training, I was impressed by the participants that attended, who with little to no support are running their own orphanages and outreach programs in the most impoverished country. I found them to be eager to learn and take it back to the areas where they served. I was equally impressed with how Jayne and David met every question and conversation with grace, inclusiveness and encouragement. One woman named Pedrine traveled hours to attend, felt the training enlightened her on how to be more intentional with the ten little women that were in her daily care. Another man, Joseph, ran an outreach in cite de Soleil to the youth in this very dangerous and poor community. He also had begun a transitional program to help teen boys find a “foster” type home that had aged out of the orphanage. He expressed his trials with their behavior and asked dynamic questions on how he could better understand them. Participants from an orphanage called Imagine Missions, who care for 103 children, were struggling to connect with all of the kids in their home having just a handful of staff. Recently robbed and dealing with orphans who are scared, they soaked in encouragement, prayer and support from this community of trainers and participants. This director, teacher, dorm mother and pastor walked away with tangible ways they could improve the type of care they were providing.


We often worked in small groups as well and toward the end created action plans for the participants to take back to their homes. I had the joy of working alongside Brent, Jimmy the captain of Harvest Care, and the caretakers Kelly and Madame Kelly. As we put in a plan for them to be sure to feed and hydrate the children every two hours (another way to help traumatized children regulate their systems and feel safe) they were very open to change. Even though changes like this would take more effort, more time, and more money I was moved to see how adaptable and open to learning and practice the caretakers were.

We had the opportunity mid-week to visit Imagine Missions, it was beautiful and sad all rolled into one. The sun was setting and the breeze was enticing over the big piece of land that housed the many orphaned children Imagine cared for. A soccer game took place on one side, and the teenage girls braided hair and giggled at the tables nearby. Many of the children knew English and it was easy to see that education and nutrition program were a big part of this orphanage. I also got to hear the director’s heart, to keep parents united with their children by finding them work and a transitional home. This struck a chord with me, as orphan prevention is very much on my heart! As I surveyed my surroundings, little ones wandered freely, shoeless, un-attached...and the girls dorm which was barn like with rows of beds…and though I know the director was giving them more than what they had before, I couldn’t help but think how far it was from family life. We are looking toward working them in the future, sharing what we’ve learned to help her meet the needs of the children on a more holistic level.


The highlight of my week was visiting the orphanages we work with, Harvest Care and Lighthouse, to celebrate three birthdays! It was an honor to be a part of the Haitian tradition where anyone in the home is welcome to say something kind and encouraging to the birthday boy or girl as they sat dressed in their Sunday best in the middle of the room. We smiled as one by one the little and big ones got up to speak kind words into their “sibling’s” lives. We also got a chance to say something we love about the child, and I smile just thinking about that moment. Kneeling down in the dusty ground, making eye contact with the sweet beautiful face staring back at me, and telling them they are special, that I love them, their sponsors love them and God loves them and we are so proud of who they are and who they will be. It brought all of us joy to see them be celebrated and feel loved on a day that many orphans, don’t know about and certainly aren’t recognized for.


On the last day of the training we had a time of open comments, suggestions, and sharing. How beautiful to hear the honest struggles, the practical take-away, and the attitude of praise and thanks to a God that has heard their cries and met them here. With knowledge and understanding in their belt, the participants were motivated to understand better the behaviors of the children they work with, to increase their patience, and they were reminded that they are the significant and safe person in the orphans’ lives. They must connect with them and be the attachment that the child was never given. I was so moved by God’s presence under this tent of workers, and the strength that rose to continue to harvest the fields in their lives, the vulnerable children we are fighting for.