Sacrifice

I’m learning about sacrifice. I’m learning about being spread thin. I’m learning that I’m not very good at sacrifice. I’m learning how God uses me, despite my flaws, weaknesses and short-comings. I’ve traveled to Haiti a lot since I started my job at Back2Back and twice since I last wrote. It's hard for me to leave my kids to go on these trips. My mama’s heart feels divided even just headed to the office! I’m feeling in my heart the sacrifice of this work. It’s an all- in job. You can’t not work as hard as you can, because you actually know the children you are advocating for. Those of you who have been on trips or work with me can attest. I know the ones that need glasses and I see the ones drink dirty water, which is the tiniest fraction of the kids that God sees, so how could I not bust my tail to get the children glasses and a new well to drink from? Still, it comes at a cost.

Every time I go to Haiti and I see Haitians taking care of children with limited to no resources, I see their sacrifice. Every time I learn of a child that was dropped off at an orphanage because the orphanage can provide food and education and the parent cant, I learn of sacrifice. These sacrifices, are heart breaking. It’s hard to take care of children. I have four, I should know! When I see the Caretakers, The Aimables, care for sixteen orphans of Harvest Care, day in and day out, and run a free school for 40 children, I wonder how tired they are at night? Are they as tired as Eric and I? When they settle down into their bed, with no A/C or fans in the Haiti heat, I wonder...how deep do they feel the sacrifice? This caretaker has a college education, he could be doing other things. I think about our director’s Brent and Anna’s sacrifice, living in Haiti, training staff, hosting teams and meal planning to cook for not just their family of 5 but at times for teams of 16 people, not including the guards daily meals! If you’ve ever been in traffic, it’s got nothing on Haiti’s traffic where the journey to the store is a whole day’s event, you know that’s sacrifice. And, I see your sacrifice, giving what you have to this ministry or to others, instead of buying yourself something new, but because God has called you to be a part of this story line, it’s a sacrifice.

All the while I struggle to believe that God’s son sacrificed for me and that I don’t have to do anything to receive from that sacrifice. That belief is rebutted within me when I see 16 orphans kneel on the ground to pray thanksgiving over their daily rice and beans. And then, bow down further to pray thanks over their home and their “family.” And then grab my hand in theirs to pull me into their prayer to thank God for our friendship, and I see how small my own faith is. Experiencing their joy, their capacity for faith, reignites my belief in God’s sacrifice and reminds me that God’s story line to lift up the orphans and widows in their distress is worth the sacrifice. God doesn’t call us to be heroes, He asks us to step into the gap of the forgotten and the marginalized. In this job, I realize often I am beyond what I can do, but somehow the right people step in at the right time and say yes where you think they’d say no and God weaves it all together and shows me the way. He, reveals the connection, sends us an eye doctor and introduces me to the well digger. All I have to be, is there. And when I feel the friction of the sacrifice, I am reminded of everyone else’s sacrifice. I am reminded of God’s sacrifice. And that sacrifice, is reflected in the bubbling over type of joy in the smile of a child that is one of the 750,000 orphans in the little island of Haiti. And she, and he, are worth the sacrifice.

I don't know what this children's home director sacrificed to have this gift made for me, but it means the world to me! And I think it means more, because I know that it came with a cost. And it came with intention and heart and love. I treasure it now on my desk.

Leave a comment below with your thoughts! QUESTION: What do you feel like you are sacrificing right now? How do you cope with the cost?

To learn more visit www.back2back.org or email me at jschroeder@back2back.org